Whats the difference between a gay male and straight male

Before I get readers insisting that not all gay men are attracted to straight men, let me say I know that. Hitting on a straight man runs the risk of humiliation, verbal or physical harassment or assault, or even death, but the danger involved can actually add to sexual arousal, which is often fueled by fear, risk and danger.

But. Already contributed? Some even prefer straight men over gay men! Despite this difference, both gay and straight men share many similarities in terms of their experiences, emotions, and relationships. This fantasy lets gay men feel "accepted" by a straight man at least in fantasy and offers them a way to feel good -- even validated -- about being dominated.

Even so, we can't ignore the many gay men who admit a taste for straight guys, which makes me wonder why they prefer straight men sexually. All too often, gay men who don't address their internalized shame will find themselves attracted to unavailable men. Straight men face a lot of social pressure, still, to earn more than their wives.

But they do whisper about it to each other and act it out in porn and in fantasy rather than admit it head-on. Straight men represent father figures: When a client enjoys fantasies about straight men, I suggest that he explore his relationships with important, influential straight men in his life -- starting with his father.

Straight men represent authority: A typical -- and popular -- porn scenario features a hot, straight military officer, policeman, boss, coach, teacher or other authority figure who forces himself onto a subservient gay man. So for these conflicted gay men, straight men are desirable precisely because they will never become available.

Some gay men posted and sent me messages stating that they found it erotic to watch two straight men kiss -- sometimes more so than watching two gay men kiss. Log in to hide these messages. And both wind up enjoying it! This got me wondering: Why are some gay men sexually turned on by straight men?

Forbidden fruit: Straight men are also off-limits. Last week I took to my Facebook wall to repost this HuffPost article about 13 straight male German stars kissing for a GQ photo shoot to protest homophobia and intolerance. Often it's a little of both. Outside sexual role play, the reality would be horrifying, and it is indeed horrifying when it happens, but in sexual fantasy, danger is cleverly tamed to become pleasure.

A need for a sense of belonging and masculinity: Sexual fantasies about straight men can represent a longing to be accepted by straight men in general. There are many potential pressures to face and overcome. Gay men are attracted to other men, while straight men are attracted to women.

In fact, it's so ridiculous that I performed some stand-up comedy on the topic, which you can see here:. Gay men of color face a dual challenge in managing social reactions and pressures from being both gay and people of color, and also gender expectations. Based on the gay men I have seen in my office, here are some of the possible reasons:.

Some said they found this as erotic as two women kissing might be to a straight guy. Sometimes it's simply because their bodies respond erotically to those behaviors, but other times a psychological meaning is trying to express itself. Long marginalized by our straight male peers, excluded from the male fraternity, many of us gays long to get back in, and getting a straight guy to be sexual with us would be proof that we've finally been accepted.

Knowing we cannot have them may enhance our desire for them. Because of internalized homophobia which typically looms large before and during the early coming-out process , they're more often looking for men who act masculine. If a sought-after man does become available emotionally, then it confirms the fact that the seeker is indeed gay and forces him to deal with all the issues of being half of an out gay couple.

His answers may lead him to make friends with straight men and find ways to achieve some personal healing. As our understanding of sexual orientation expanded, terms like “urning” and “dioning” were eventually replaced by more inclusive and widely recognized terms like “gay” and “straight” to describe male and female sexual orientations, respectively.

Internalized homophobia: This is the easiest reason to cite for the cultural phenomenon of gay males seeking "straight-acting" gay men, or even straight men only. I know, too, that it's politically incorrect to admit that there are gay men who are attracted to and pursue straight men, thanks to the myth that we gay men will pursue anyone who's male, ignoring social norms and acceptable etiquette.

Although I’ll be focusing on the similarities that profoundly link gays and straights in what sexually turns them on, I’ll start by enumerating some differences that do in fact separate them. Because of the projection from many a threatened straight male -- that every gay man is going to want to hit on him -- gay men have silenced themselves on this topic.

Of course this is ridiculous.